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Sim Brother Series 4, Day 35 (Thursday 12 May 2005)
Good Morning, Simerica
Previously in SB4

Yesterday in the house, Alyssa was trying to make Steve interested in her by asking the other male housemates to help her out ... to no avail. With the other housemates focussed on the task, how well will they do today on "Good Morning, Simerica"?

It's Day 35. It's Sim Brother 4.


Good Morning, Simerica

9.00am - It's time for us now to move to our temporary studio at the Sim Brother house in Regras Gorge for this morning's broadcast.



John - Good morning, Simerica, I'm John Cleese ...
Martha - I'm Martha Stewart ...
Steve - I'm Steve Irwin ...
Alyssa - I'm Alyssa Milano ...
Tiger - And I'm Tiger Woods.


The World Headlines

John - Firstly, here are the world news headlines as we see it.

In Simdonesia, the local medical authorities are struggling to control an epidemic of the presumed extinct guinea pig disease. The last believed occurance was in Pleasantview and is believed to be the cause of Bob & Betty Newbie's unexplained demise.

Bjork, the first housemate to be evicted from the Sim Brother 4 house, has given up her singing and acting career and is instead following a journalistic career with aspirations to become a paparazzo. As she did not overcome her fear of being watched, she now intends to become one of the watchers. Watch out, world celebrities, Bjork wants your face.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Condoleezza Rice are working on a joint project together. Arnold is going to be rippling his muscles for the audience in time to music being played on a piano by Condi. The President will be attended a special performance by "Arnie & The Condiment" at Carnegie Hall next Tuesday.


Out The Back

John - And now for something completely different. It's time for us to go outside to Steve and his bizarre look at the natural life in the gardens.

Steve - G'Day, mates, and I'm Steve and welcome to "Out The Back", because I am out the back of the studio. While I'm out here, I'll show you the fauna and the tame wildlife that there is in the gardens.

Wearing shorts when you're in a clump of thistles is a really daggy idea. I'll get as many pricks in me as there were in my granny's pincushion. If you've got to pick them, you do it from down near the roots.

Now here is a "cupressus supervirens". Yeah, I know a bit of Latin too. I'm not just a pretty face who wears shorts. It's more commonly known as the cypress tree. There are a few of these beauties around the compound. This one here, however, look a bit lonely so I'm going to give it a big hug.

With a few hydrangea bushes flanking the path near the gate and an abundance of topiaries, this is one beautiful garden to be in. With a view of non-proliferating bamboo in the background, I'm going to send you back to the studio?

I nearly forgot. Here's the wildlife behind me. A llama and a porpoise. Over to you, John.


Cooking With Martha Stewart
John - And now for something completely different. Let's go over to Martha who is in the kitchen.

Martha - Hello, everyone, I'm Martha Stewart and welcome to "Cooking With Martha Stewart". May I say how good it is to be on your screens again. It has been a long time since I was on your screen with "Martha Stewart Living", which was on your screens for thirteen years. I could really do with an entire show instead of this small slot, but I do hope to make your lives so much more richer with a new recipe I have devised for you.
John - No marmalade in it, I hope, Martha.
Martha - Not this time. I am calling it Alpha Salad, but you may call it "Martha Stewart's Patented & Trademarked Alpha Salad".
John - That's quite a mouthful. Hopefully the salad will be too.

Martha - It should be, John. I've been doing a lot of work on it over the last few days. However, as we're short on time, here is one I prepared earlier. Would you like to try it, John?
John - Mmm ... so far this is delicious. Fruity.
Martha - That will be the apple pieces.
John - Mmm ... nutty.
Martha - That will be the ground almonds sprinkled over the top. My primary four ingredients all begin with the letter 'A' which is why I call it the Alpha salad.
John - I've found a crunchy part. Asparagus, perhaps?
Martha - Precisely. According to the Michigan Asparagus Advisory Board, asparagus is one of the most nutritionally well-balanced vegetables in existence. It leads nearly all produce items in the wide array of nutrients it supplies in significant amounts for a healthy diet.
John (grimacing) - Fishy ... and I've found your final A. Anchovies?
Martha - Precisely. According to Delia, the finest anchovies are harvested from the Canatabrian Sea off the coast of Spain.
John - Thankyou, Martha. This is going to be an acquired taste ... and a taste I don't have time to acquire.


Alyssa, Amateur Astrologer

John - And now for something completely different. Let's go to see what Alyssa is seeing in the stars for those of us who are left in the house. Personally, I think it's a load of bunkum but I might find something interesting.

Alyssa - Hello, welcome to this slot with "Alyssa, Amateur Astrologer". With the moon in Taurus and the sun in Uranus, this is a painful time for all star signs. Let's look at the different star signs that belong to those in the house.

Sagittarius - For those with romance on your mind, don't give up on your dreams. Cupid's arrow will strike. You'll get what you deserve in the end.
Leo - You're bossy and pushy, you like things to be perfect and you want to be the top dog - or bitch. Stop roaring like a lion and lighten up, as life isn't like that.
Scorpio - That sting in the tail could sting you in the back this week, so watch what you do. Aim to help and not hinder others.
Pisces - Being the sign of the fish, fish may play an important role in your life right now. Don't get stuck in your fish tank as there is a big sea out there for you to swim in.
Capricorn - Keen to lock horns with those who you don't agree with, remember that every mountain goat can lose its footing from time to time. Watch your step or you'll fall from a great height.

And there you have it. Your future is all in the stars.

John - So I'd better watch my tail, then. Thankyou for that, Alyssa.


Let's Kick Bag

John - And now for something completely different. Tiger is in the garden showing us a new craze that is sweeping the sim nation.

Tiger - Hi, I'm Tiger and welcome to "Let's Kick Bag". I've been joined by Martha who has volunteered to help me in this demonstration of this growing sport. Hello, Martha, and have you played before?
Martha - Not really, Steve. So what do I have to do?
Tiger - It's quite simple. We take a beanbag and only using our feet, we kick the bag backwards and forwards between us.
Martha - Is that all there is? I think this is a game I could enjoy to fill in the time.
Tiger - With practice, you can even do back kicks and show off a little. This game is rich in history and has the makings of being a competitive international team sport. Already, Simerica is pushing for "Kick Bag" to be included as an Olympic Event. After all, they did get Beach Volleyball included .... mmmm .... the bikini-clad girls' team.
Martha - Tiger, could you get back to the matter in hand?
Tiger - Sorry. The non-competitive form of Kick Bag is just to see how long two or more people can kick the beanbag backwards and forwards without dropping it.

Martha - And if they drop it? What then?
Tiger - They pick the bag up and start again. Non-competitively, it's a game basically to fill time or impress people. Competitively, there are different means of scoring or playing. Simerican rules vary from those used overseas and the game differs depending upon which surface it is played.
Martha - I don't see how things can be different. It's hardly like tennis.

Tiger - It isn't like clay court and grass court. Patagonian mystics have been playing kick bag on hot coals for as long as records show. Originally, it was not a beanbag but a llama's bladder they used. Also, inuits have been playing on ice but using a seal's heart. Different techniques have been used like this over the centuries. Argentina and Canada both have very strong teams. Simerica did have a "friendly" match against the Canadian team and won quite decisively although the inuits were dressed for their climate and as Simerica hosted the match on Miami beach, most of the Canadian team had passed out within minutes. From what I understand, they are after a rematch but using North Traditional Rules and holding it on Baffin Island.
Martha - This is fascinating, Tiger.
Tiger - And with that, I'll pass you back to John in the studio.


Political Report (Very Silly)
John - And now for something completely different.

Political Report. There is some very surprising and breaking political news. The Labour Government of Great Britain has lost the General Election to The Silly Alliance. This alliance made up of the Very Silly Party, Silly Party, Slighty Silly parties and Monster Raving Looney Party, took 74.321% of the vote. Whether this was a protest vote over the outgoing government's involvement in foreign wars and deciding that the conventional opposition parties were "sameold-sameold" or if it was the electorate decided that they just wanted a radical change is yet to be ascertained.

Tony Blair, who people may remember firstly as the runner up in the first series of Sim Brother here at TSZ and secondly the outgoing prime minister, was lost for words.

Her Majesty the Queen has invited Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (Pop! Pop!) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (Whinnying!) Arthur Norman Michael (Squeak!) Featherstone Smith (Whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (Whoop!) Mason (Chuff!-Chuff!-Chuff!) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert # We'll Keep a Welcome In the (Bang! Bang! Bang!) # Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (Squeak!) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson # Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head # Darcy Carter (Toot!) Pussycat `Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (Hoot!, Whoop!) Smith to form the next government.

The new prime minister's first appointments were Jethro Q. Walrustitty (Slightly Silly Party) as Home Secretary, who proposed to replace Windsor Castle with a massive pink bouncy castle. Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lin-busstop-f'tang-f'tang-ole'-biscuit barrel (Silly Party) has been appointed as Chancellor of the Exchequer, who immediately abolished the pound as the unit of currency and replaced it with walnut whips.

Johann Gambleputtydevonausfernschpledenschlittcrasscrenbonfriedigger- dingledangledonglebursteinvonknackerthrasherapplebangerhorowitz- ticolensicgranderknottyspelltinklegrandlichgrumblemeyerspelter- wasserkurstlichhimbleeisenbahnwagengutenabendbitteeinnurn- burgerbratwurstlegerspurtenmitzweimacheluberhundsfutgumber- aberschonendankerkalbsfleischmittleraucher Von Hauptkopf of Ulm (Very Silly Party) takes over at the Foreign Office. He has relocated his entire department to a tower block in Albania. Also, he has hired a Nepalese asylum seeker to take dictation and shorthand. Her inability to speak anything other than her native language was not viewed to be a problem. The new foreign secretary was waltzing around his office with a carriage clock when he was questioned about this. He said that he wanted to have a real foreign office and have a real foreign secretary as well as being the foreign secretary himself.

And with that, we leave Political Report.

And Finally ...
There will be more news and other silliness when it becomes available. And with that, our time is up and we return you to your usual presenters of "Good Morning, Simerica" at the DEF Network. On behalf of my other co-presenters ...

Good morning, Simerica, and goodbye.


To Be Continued

And with them all exhausted after finishing their broadcast, that is where we are going to leave them. Tomorrow is Friday 13th and it is not going to be a lucky day for one of these five below. It is very close indeed between two of the nominees and you have until midnight on Friday (GMT) to cast your last votes.

Tune in tomorrow night when Will presents our fourth Eviction Night and you find who you chose to evict.


Behind The Camera ... literally

I would like to thank The Sims 2 Superstar who kindly donated a prototype version of their latest camera to use in this task. For those of you who didn't notice it filming Alyssa, here are two more shots of it again.


 


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