Hi, I'm Will Wright and welcome to the fifth series of Sim Brother to be run at The Sims Zone. We're sorry to keep you waiting.
Behind me is the new house, soon to be the home of a new varied mix of celebrity housemates. We cannot begin to imagine what lies ahead of us.
Sim Brother has promised changes in format for this season so let's go straight over to the house, meet the new housemates and find out about their first day.
The eight housemates have been kept in separate locations for the past week without any means of contacting the outside world or each other. Until today. By different routes, they were brought together to TSZ's Corporate Headquarters. From there, they were transported together and given express instructions not to communicate with each other until they arrived at the house.
3.00pm - "Bird One" touches down on a specially prepared helipad outside the Sim Brother house and eight housemates get out.
The first one to get out is HILARY. This is what she had to say before she came to the house.
HI!!!!!! I'm Hilary and I'm been on TV and I've been in movies and I'm a singer and I have me own clothing line and I have my own perfume and I just love animals and I love playing computer games. I'm so exicted excited that TSZ have picked me to be in Sim Brother. It will be so much fun. I'm really really really thrilled to be here. Do you like my new hair colour?
The second housemate is SNOOP. Although he is banned from visiting Simgland, because TSZ is partly Dutch-owned, the Sim Brother house is considered foreign soil and this housemate is allowed to be here.
Yo! I'm a rapper, I do hip-hop, I'm an actor, I'm the cream of the crop. You get where I'm coming from? I'm Snoop and I'm here to chill. Sim Brizzle thinks I'm cool and their type of guy. I'm not going to argue with the big dude. This gig is right up my boulevard. Do you get what I'm saying?
The next housemate is MIA.
Hi there. I'm Mia and I'm a retired women's soccer player. I was the youngest woman ever to make the National Team at the age of 15. I was part of our Olympic teams in Atlanta, Sydney and Athens where we won Gold, Silver and Gold. I was part on that winning teams for the 1999 FIFA World Cup. I can't lie. I'd like to win Sim Brother but also I'd want to take the opportunity as being an ambassador for Women's United Soccer Association and Women's soccer worldwide.
The fourth housemate to get out the helicopter is GORDON.
I'm Gordon and I don't give a **** whether I win or lose this ***ding gameshow. I don't pull any punches and I say what I think and feel. My claim to fame is cooking on TV, swearing a lot and sometimes doing both at the same time. I hope to bring the best in "cordon rouge" cooking to the house.
The next housemate to put her feet on "terra firma" is TRISHA.
My name is Trisha and I am a talk-show host in the United Kingdom. Before I came to England, I was also an Australian children's TV presenter. I am straight-talking but but I always try to find the best side from a situation. I am looking forward to being in the Sim Brother house and perhaps find some new material. I do not expect to win, but I would like to go as far as I can in the house.
The sixth housemate is HARRY.
Hello. My real name is Henry but please call me Harry. I'm an Troop Commander in the Simlish Army but I've been given this posting before I'm returned to my unit and posted overseas. My big brother was on here a few years ago and did quite well for himself. I'd like to do one better than him and win. I like to party, I like the girls, I don't like the paparazzi and I want to have a jolly good time. Did I say my grandma is the Queen?
Our seventh housemate is BRITNEY. She has been here before for our third series but left on Day 8. We're giving her another try.
I'm Britney and I'm the Princess of Pop. My therapist told me that I have a problem with commitment when it comes to relationships and marriages. My agent agreed with him, reminding me of how I walked out of Sim Brother III. Those nice people at TSZ have given me a second chance. I will do my best not to be singing "Oops, I did it again" and hope to do well. If I don't win, that's ok. I just hope it can be a form of therapy for me.
The final housemate had fallen asleep on the journey and the pilot had to wake him up. It's JOHNNY.
I'm Johnny and I'm an actor amongst other things. I guess my favourite role has been Captain Jack Sparrow in "Pirates of the Carribean", which is why I'm dressed like I am. In my past, I've also played in a few bands and I'm now joint owner of a restaurant and bar in Paris. I'm no stranger to being locked up overnight but this incarceration might be longer than I am used to.
3.10pm - The housemates all go into the house to give the helicopter an opportunity to take off again. Upon getting inside, they have mixed opinions of the house.
Snoop - The Doggfather is in da house! This is one cool crib.
Britney - Huh?
Hilary - This place looks really nice!! I'm really going to like it here.
Trisha - I must say this place looks a lot smarter than I was expecting.
Gordon - Call those spice pots? How do they expect me to cook decent meals with what's in them?!
Johnny - Cool looking hottub.
Mia - I hope they have some more exercise equipment. I need to get my shape back. The pool looks very tempting, though.
Harry - Could someone tell me where the bathroom is, please?
3.30pm - Continuing to follow instructions given to them by the helicopter pilot on behalf of Sim Brother, the housemates are all sitting in the lounge area. Harry has just got back from the bathroom.
Snoop - I thought you Royals had some flunky to go for you?
Will (laughs) - If I had a pound for every time I heard that, I'd be richer than my grandma.
Britney - A pound of what?
Sim Brother (AT) - This is Sim Brother. Sim Brother hopes you enjoyed your flight and thanks you for complying with the instructions given to you. Welcome to the Sim Brother house and please enjoy your stay here.
Snoop - Fo' shizzle, Sim Brizzle.
Britney - Huh?
SB - All of you should be familiar with previous series of this show. If you are not, then it is too late now. Also, we are not Channel 4. TSZ does not cancel a series because of international uproar. Nevertheless, bullying, intimidatory behaviour and violence towards other housemates is not tolerated. Any acts of this nature will result in disciplinary action which can take various forms. This can even result in a housemate's immediate expulsion. Is this clear?
Johnny - Fine by me,
Mia - Absolutely.
Trisha - I once did a show on bullying.
SB - At various parts during this season, you will be divided into teams where winning and losing becomes critical to survival or weekly nourishment. Also, team leaders play pivotal roles in how this game develops, in who stays and in who goes.
Britney (whines) - I can't live on basic rations.
Hilary - Hey, I can rough it for a week.
SB - You may have noticed that your surroundings are quite luxurious. Keeping this lifestyle is dependant upon success in the different tasks that will be set for you.
Gordon - I'd rather eat Worrall-Thompson's cooking than have to live on cheese toasties.
SB - For those who are concerned about the quality of food, the lake in the garden is stocked with fish and rods and other fishing tackle is provided for those of you who wish to try their luck. For those who are less adventurous, a gourmet-prepared buffet has been provided for you as well as few bottles of Chateau Lafitte.
Hilary - He sounds really nice.
9.02pm - Johnny has come to the Diary Room.
Sim Brother (C) - Hello, Johnny, how are you?
Johnny - Not quite sure what to make of it. Just finding my feet, I guess.
SB - How are you finding the other housemates?
Johnny - By going out of the door. I'm sure a few of them will be in the lounge as its raining outside.
SB - Sim Brother will rephrase that. Are you getting on well with the other housemates?
Johnny - They all seem quite cool.
SB - Who have you had least chance to know?
Johnny - Harry is a bit aloof. I thought we would have hit it off from the start. Snoop is doing his thing and I don't know if I have anything common with the soccer lady.
SB - Do you mean Mia?
Johnny - Yes, that's her. Thanks. I knew I'd forget one name or other. It's all a bit overwhelming. I think I might just have a bath and relax.
SB - Sim Brother is here for you whenever you feel the need to talk, Johnny.
Johnny - Thanks, Sim Brother. I'll remember that.
Calling It A Night
11.27pm - Johnny is in the bath. Hilary and Harry have gone to bed. Snoop is napping on the couch. Trisha and Gordon come to the Diary Room.
Sim Brother (C) - Hello, Trisha. Hello, Gordon.
Trisha - I just thought I'd come and say thankyou for a great day. I didn't think I'd settle in being a bit older than the others and I feel like a bit of a grandma but Britney and Hilary are sweet girls. Mia is nice too.
Gordon - If I had found some better spices and seasonings, I would have been a lot happier. Otherwise, f***ing great house and the fellow inmates aren't too bad. Well, you'd better have something good for us tomorrow. Goodnight, Sim Brother.
Trisha - See you tomorrow, Sim Brother.
SB - Goodnight, Gordon. Goodnight, Trisha.