Sim Brother Series 5, Day 28 (Thursday 10 May 2007)
Thompson -v- Sim Brother
Sim Brother Series 5 Index
A Day in Court
It's Day 28 in the Sim Brother house. This could be the last day of the show as housemates today defend Sim Brother in a convoluted mass actino case brought by former housemate Jack Thompson. Dr.Phil has been assigned as the judge in this case and makes the decision as to whether there is a case to answer to.
If the defence is unsuccessful, the show will be cancelled.
Court in Session
9.00am - The housemates, Jack Thompson and Judge Phil are all in the courtroom.
Judge Phil - This court is now in session, I, Dr.Philip calvin McGraw presiding. I call it to order for the case of Thompson -v- Sim Brother. Who is representing the plaintiff in this case?
Jack Thompson - John Bruce "Jack" Thompson, attorney at law, your honour. I am conducting my own case here.
JP - And who is representing the defendant?
Johnny - Witherspoon Depp & Partners, your honour. I am John Christopher Depp II and my colleague is Ms. Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon, who will be Primary Counsel for this afternoon. Our paralegals are Ms. Trisha Goddard, Lt. Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, Miss Hilary Erhard Duff and Mr. Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr. - although he currently prefers to be known as Snoop.
JP - In Simlish Law, the burden of proof in a libel case is on the defendant. I must stress to the court that the plaintiff is not on trial here and any action by defending counsel to deprecate the character of the plaintiff will not be taken lightly.
Johnny - We understand perfectly well, your honour. We have been instructed by our client to cooperate fully with the judge's recommendations about this case. If it pleases your honour and my opposing counsel, as this case is being held on joint Simlish & Simderland territory, broadcasting rights have been sold to the Simderland Legal TV channel. Revenue will be shared equally between our client and the plaintiff.
JP - This is something the court should have been made aware of. Does the plaintiff agree?
Jack - The plaintiff does, your honour.
JP - Therefore, I will allow it. Let the case proceed. Item 1. False Imprisonment.
Despite the importance of this, I do not wish to bore readers with all of the details and the legalistic to-and-fro of this case. Therefore, many parts of it will be abbreviated. Plus I would be getting writer's cramp.
Item 1: False Imprisonment
10.35am - The case has been proceeding for one hour and 35 minutes. Arguments have been delivered by both Jack Thompson and John Depp as to the legality of housemates being detained by Sim Brother. Jack claimed it was false imprisonment whereas Johnny claimed housmates knew what they were letting themselves in for. Judge Phil is making judgement on this part of the case.
JP - we have heard from the plaintiff that he was held in the Diary Room against his wishes and his microphone was disabled for part of this time. We have also heard from the defendant that this was part and parcel of the contract that all housemates sign into. Although I can see both sides of the argument, my judgement is that this defence has adequately proved that such treatment can be taken as part of the normal course of events and promotion of the greater good. I therefore judge that this part of the plaintiff's case lacks sufficient foundation to go any further.
Jack - Your honour, I object!
JP - Objection overruled. Item 2. Housemate Assets Freezing.
Item 2: Housemate Assets Freezing
12.05am - The plaintiff has presented his argument for freezing assets of all housemates due to his belief his right to decency and free speech was impeded. Johnny is presenting the case for the defence.
Johnny - The defence could prolong this case to last for several days by going into detail on every single item and every single housemate. Instead, the defence recommends this item also be pursued on the "One guilty, all guilty".
JP - Although it is not orthodox, I will allow it.
Johnny - Henry of Wales, who we know as Harry, is a member of the Simlish Royal Family. By freezing his assets, the assets of the Royal Family must also be frozen. As this country is a constitutional monarchy, this includes Her Majesty's Government, the law courts, quite a string of castles and therefore bring the entire country to a standstill. As the law courts would grind to a halt, the case could not be continued at all and there would be no resolution.
JP - I can see that argument. Does the plaintiff wish to drop the item against the houseemates?
Jack - No way! I object! This matter is central to my case.
JP - As I see it, Jack, you're trying to freeze an entire country. As Her Majesty the Queen has recently stated how important the transatlantic relationship between the Simlish Isles and Simerica is, as well as being downright offensive to that wonderful lady, it presents Simerican lawyers as money-grabbing ambulance chasers.
Jack - Judge Phil, you do not know what you are talking about!
JP - May I remind the plaintiff who has a chat show in this courtroom? Therefore, I do know what I am talking about.
Jack - You should be on my side! I picked you personally. We've fought on the same side in previous well-publicised outcries against violence and indecency.
JP - And you picked me to judge over a trial. In the interests of Simlish Law and diplomatic relations and the "One guilty, all guilty" ruling, as Henry Wales-Windsor cannot have his assets frozen, nor can the other housemates.
Jack - I am appealing!
JP - That's something for your friends to decide whether they consider you appealing or not. We are going to take a break for lunch. We will reconvene at 1.30pm. Court adjourned.
Item 3: Corporate Asset Freezing
2.45pm - Debate has passed backwards and forwards for almost 90 minutes. Reese was now serving as the primary counsel for the defence.
Reese - Your honour, firstly may I saw what nice robes you are wearing?
JP - Although it is not pertinent, I will allow it.
Reese - The SBC & TSZ are privately owned enterprises. The director and producer of the show are underpaid family men who are supported by loyal workers who are also not paid fiscally for their industry. By freezing the assets of the SBC and the TSZ, you are destroying the lives of many hard-working men and women who only do what they can do in order to entertain us, make us smile and appreciate the world of sims in a better way. I call upon the mercy of the courts to prevent this item proceeding further also.
JP - If these people aren't paid, why the heck do they do it?
Reese - The director of Sim Brother has many people asking him the same question. He spends many hours each day preparing and editing nightly reports while also trying to live a full family life. The producer also takes a time out from his busy studies and personal life to prepare the weekly Cats Eyes and ensure the machinery is in place that the nightly broadcasts take place. The simple answer, your honour, is out of the goodness of their hearts.
JP - I have always been a reasonable man. The assets of Sim Brother or The Sims Zone will not be frozen.
Reese - That's very kind of you, sir.
Jack - I must object! What is this? A court of law or a "lets be nice to Dr.Phil" day!?
JP - Jack, I am finding you very objectionable right now. In fact, I'm wondering why this case is really here at all. Moving on. The final part of this case. You'd better have something here, Jack. Item 4. Gross Indecency & Profanity.
Item 4: Gross Indecency & Profanity
3.05pm - Jack is presenting his case against Sim Brother for Gross Indecency.
On Day 9 between 6.03-6.19pm, Snoop referred to the plaintiff as a b****.
On Day 10 between 2pm and 3pm, Sim Brother referred to the plaintiff as a Jackass.
On Day 11 at 7.28pm, Gordon was naked in the shower displaying his ... private parts. Shortly thereafter, he referred to means of copulation.
On Day 12 between 12.02pm and 2pm, Johnny likened the plaintiff to a toilet cistern by being full of crap.
On Day 16 between 5.35pm and 7.12pm, Gordon told the plaintiff to be quiet with use of the copulatory word again.
On Day 16 between 7.12pm and Midnight, Snoop referred to the plaintiff as Jackass and his valid opinions as meaning jack****.
Jack - Throughout the plaintiff's time in the house, he was subjected to displays of unwarranted nudity and received abusive language from other housemates on more than one occasion.
Jack - As you can see, your honour, with this compelling evidence, there can be no doubt that Sim Brother has allowed gross indecency and profanity in its show, there is a case to answer for and the series should be suspended forthwith. The case for the plaintiff rests.
3.45pm - Reese is presenting the case for Sim Brother in defence of these charges.
On Day 9, Snoop referred to the plaintiff as a bitch. According to the Merriam-Webster, a bitch is "something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant". Also, this remark followed Mr. Thompson's description of Snoop's music as crap. According to the Merriam-Webster, this is a sometimes vulgar reference to nonsense or rubbish. If my work was insulted, I think I would react as well. The word "bitch" does not constitute profanity whereas use of term "crap" does as it is a vulgar term.
On Day 10, Sim Brother referred to the plaintiff as a jackass, which according to the Merriam-Webster is a stupid person. The Merriam-Webster also defines stupid as "being marked by or resulting from unreasoned thinking or acting".
On Day 11, Gordon was naked in the shower. From evidence I will present later, the plaintiff was also naked in the shower on a future occasion. As the showers are communal, there was practically no way Jack could avoid seeing Gordon's bits. As indecent means "grossly improper or offensive", the defence does not view the showers as being a grossly improper place to be naked. As regards Gordon's frequent use of the F-word, it is believed he has undiagnosed Tourette's Syndrome and cannot help using language of such a nature. This also explains his actions on Day 16 towards the plaintiff.
On Day 12, Johnny did question why the plaintiff could be full of crap. He was in an agitated state, especially considering moments earlier, the plaintiff had referred to Johnny as a "jumped up little ****" and later went onto imply that Johnny was unpatriotic. For shame, Mr.Thompson.
On Day 16, Snoop did liken the plaintiff to a Jackass. However, the plaintiff has also referred to Snoop as Snoopy, which also is likening him to an animal. Pot-kettle again.
Reese - Your honour, I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I do know how to read a dictionary, I know some lesser known idioms and like the plaintiff, I do know some parts of the Bible. You said that the plaintiff was not on trial here. All I am going to say at this point is that the pot is calling the kettle black.
Jack - That's a racist remark, your honour!
Snoop - No, it ain't.
JP - I'll have some order in this courtroom. Could you please elaborate on what you mean, Miss Witherspoon?
Reese - Certainly, your honour. "Do not take the splinter out of your brother's eye when you have a plank of wood in your own".
JP - I understand that one. You are saying that the plaintiff is as guilty of these acts as he is making out other people are.
Reese - Yes, your honour. I will go through the counsel for the plaintiff's case item by item.
Reese - As you can see, your honour, any evidence that has just been presented can be explained.
Jack - Your honour, I was just using my first amendment right to free speech when I made those remarks.
Reese - Your honour, the other housemates were also using their first amendment right to free speech. I have presented evidence showing that the plaintiff's language has been more profane and I can present evidence of his indecent exposure to a female housemate.
Jack - Nonsense! That never happened.
Reese - Your honour, at 2.11pm on Day 16, a lightning strike caused a tree to burst into flames. Most of the housemates came out to look at it, including the plaintiff who was naked at the time. Hilary pleaded with Jack to "put it away" but because she is a lady, she is not going to press charges of indecent exposure as such exposure did amount to being "grossly improper and offensive".
Jack - That was just an accident! You're pulling my words apart!
JP - Jack, they've done more than pull your words apart. They've pulled your entire case apart. Now it's my turn to quote the Bible. "Do not judge others unless you are prepared to be judged yourself". You brought this frivolous case against Sim Brother when you were as guilty - if not moreso - of the charges you brought. There is absolutely nothing for Sim Brother to answer to. Case dismissed.
Following Judge Phil's dismissal, Jack spontaneously combusts!
Justice is Served
4.15pm - Due to the gates being locked and no means to contact the outside world, the Fire Department was not able to get there in time. Jack is dead. Due to the confusion, nobody was able to (or prepared to) plead with the Grim Reaper for him.
Sim Brother (A) - Housemates, Sim Brother has been able to get hold of a Resurrectonomitron. There is a way to bring Jack back from the dead.
Snoop - Do we want to?
Trisha - It's a bit unfair to leave him dead.
Reese - I don't want to be haunted.
SB - Grim Reaper Inc. © does require a fee for performing this service. How much are you prepared to spend from your budget?
Harry - I think about §1,000 from his share of the broadcasting revenue should do it.
SB - Sim Brother agrees with your decision. The Grim Reaper should be along shortly.
4.28pm - Jack has been resurrected, but his skin looks a deathly shade of grey and he has a shambling gait.
Jack - You can't do this! I'm a law person! I'll sue you! Stop harrassing me! OR ELSE!
Trisha (sighs) - There's just no pleasing some people.
Johnny - Perhaps I'm being cynical, but I think justice has been served today.
Don't forget tomorrow night's eviction! Keep on voting if you want to have a say as to whether Hilary, Snoop or Trisha leaves.
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